Since You've Been Gone
by Lillian James
Summary: Five years after Hogwarts, James Potter has finally managed to put his tattered life back together. He and the Marauders are on their way to the top in the music world. But the reentrance of Lily Evans into his life brings back every old feeling of angst.
1. Of Old Dreams and New Realities

**Since You've Been Gone**

**Oookay, so this is a rewrite of my crappy version called Then and Again. You may not have thought it was crappy, but I certainly did, and I was under the impression that it needed something more. So here we are with round two. This is going to be entirely from James's perspective, and Lily isn't going to be as much of a cry-baby. I don't think. She might be, but I'm gonna try not to make it that way. Anyways…enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing except the people, places and things you _don't_ recognize from the incredible J.K. Rowling's work._

**Of Old Dreams and New Realities**

I'm dreaming.

"_James!"_

_Lily giggled and rolled away, out of reach of my tickling hands. When she looked back, her hair was tangled with twigs and leaves, and her face was flushed from the cold, but she was grinning._

"_You're mean," she said, sticking her tongue out playfully._

Wake up, James.

"_Shut up, you love me," I said, smirking._

"_Do not," she said, biting her lip and shaking her head._

"_Do too," I said, capturing her hand and pulling her back into my arms. She giggled again and snuggled closer._

Stop it, James; it isn't real.

_She kissed the base of my neck._

"_You might think I like you," she whispered against my skin. "But I'm jut using you for warmth."_

"_I don't believe you," I muttered while she kissed slowly up my neck, raising a trail of goosebumps. She laughed softly._

"_Hm, sorry if I've given you the wrong impression," she murmured, her lips moving across my jaw now. I smiled and pulled her closer._

"_Don't be," I said, turning my head and capturing her lips in a slow kiss. I felt her mouth curl up in a smile against mine._

It's time to wake up. It's just a dream.

"_Hey, James?"_

_Her voice was soft as she spoke between kisses._

"_Mmm?" I mumbled._

"_I love you," she whispered._

_A rush of warmth swept through me, and my arms tightened around her. But the next moment my arms were empty, my lips were cold and winter had settled around my heart. She was gone and I was utterly alone once more._

Wake up, you asshole!

It wasn't the loud crash or the wracking pain that woke me as I jerked from my bed onto the hard wooden floor. It was the sensation of having a shard of ice driven through my heart that did the trick.

I lay there, breathing hard and staring up at the blank ceiling. I clenched my fists at my sides and concentrated on quelling the trembling that had begun in my body. It was anger that had my limbs shaking. Not anger at _her _this time but anger at my weakness, anger at letting myself get caught up in a ridiculous fantasy when I knew better.

Besides, it was a fantasy I didn't want anymore.

"Prongs!"

Sirius's grumpy voice from outside the door alerted me to the fact that I was still on the floor. Groaning, I pulled myself to my feet, glancing at the clock on the way up. No wonder he was grumpy; it was seven in the morning. Sirius banged on the door.

"Prongs, if you don't stop falling out of your god damn bed, I'm gonna start tying you up at night!" he shouted.

I ignored him and walked tiredly into the bathroom to splash my face with cold water. Sirius continued shouting obscenities as he pounded back down the stairs. I wasn't worried; he'd be over it once he got some bacon into his system. I brushed my teeth and pulled on a pair of old jeans and an undershirt before heading down to the kitchen where Sirius was already cooking up a storm. He shot me a dirty look as I sank down at the table and pulled the orange juice to me.

"Your fault for refusing to switch rooms," I said, shrugging.

"My room's better than yours!" he snapped. "You just need to quit shaking my damn ceiling every morning."

"It's _hardly_ every morning, Padfoot," I said, rolling my eyes even though the unsettling dreams had become far more frequent lately. "Once a month at the—"

"It's enough to be annoying as hell," he said grumpily.

It was days like these when I felt as though Sirius and I were an angry married couple. Especially with the way he banged around the kitchen; he was just like a furious housewife making her ungrateful husband breakfast. I couldn't help grinning.

"It's healthy to wake up before noon every once in a while," I said, leaning my chair back on two legs.

"Shut up and drink your juice," he snapped, and I complied with a smirk.

He finished up breakfast and I sipped my orange juice in silence. I watched him amusedly for a few moments until the lack of conversation forced the memory of the previous night's dream back into my mind. I shook my head, trying to clear it of the images of her happy face, her eyes burning bright against the crunchy brown leaves of fall that had become entangled in her wavy red hair.

_I love you._

My hands clenched again, and the glass shook in my tight grip. I let it go immediately and let my chair fall back onto four legs with a bang.

"Wanna talk about it?"

I looked up. Sirius was setting countless plates down on the table in front of me. He wasn't looking at me, and his expression was carefully blank. He knew why I rolled out of my bed every month, but he never pushed me to talk about it. Instead, we bickered, and then he asked—casually—whether I had any desire to explore my feelings.

"Let's just eat," I said, picking up my fork and stabbing moodily at a sausage.

* * *

"What time is it?" Peter whined.

"Time for you to stop asking what time it is," I snapped.

I knew I was being too sharp with my comments, but that was usually the case when my day started off with what can rightfully be called a nightmare. Peter glared reproachfully at me, but I wasn't in the mood to apologize so I pushed away from the table we were all sitting around and went to the coffee machine in the corner instead. I didn't miss the questioning look that Remus shot at Sirius nor did I miss the way Sirius's eyes darkened significantly in response. I ignored this and poured a cup of coffee.

"So," said Remus a little too casually, "any guesses on what the big news is?"

"Obviously Obey finally caved on my monkey idea," Sirius said knowingly.

"Shut up, Padfoot," Remus said lazily. "Obey did not buy you a monkey."

"Not _me_, silly, _us!_" Sirius corrected snidely.

"I don't want a monkey," Peter said, looking confused.

"It's not for _you_," Sirius said exasperatedly. "It's for the band!"

"What do we need a monkey for?" Peter asked.

"We don't," I said before Sirius could answer. "Padfoot's just being an idiot."

"Am not!" Sirius said, sounding affronted. I smirked and downed another cup of coffee. "Better slow down, Prongs, or you'll have to piss in the middle of our meeting."

"Good, maybe I'll miss most of it."

"Well, you're certainly in a happy mood," Remus said brightly.

I grinned widely at him and poured another cup.

"You don't even like coffee," Peter pointed out.

"Who says?"

"You do, dumbass," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Afternoon, gents!" came a jaunty voice from the doorway.

Robert Pennington, fondly known as Obey by we who knew him best, entered the room, grinning from ear to ear. Apparently, the news was good. Or so it seemed.

We greeted him, and I reclaimed my seat at the small, round table. Obey was clearly far too excited to join us. Instead, he paced around in front of us, his eyes wide and feverish. What could possibly have gotten him this excited?

"Obey, what the hell?" Sirius asked impatiently after almost two minutes of silence, nearly bouncing in his seat.

"All right, you four," Obey said at last. "I have excellent news. And no, Sirius, I didn't get you a monkey."

"Not _me_—"

"Shut up!" Remus, Peter and I snapped together, and Sirius pursed his lips. I turned back to Obey.

"Leave the monkey out of it, Obe," I said bluntly. "Tell us what's going on."

He stopped pacing and faced us, a wide grin plastered on his face.

"You're going on tour," he said.

"Seriously?" I asked, perking up at once.

"When? For how long?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"You leave in three days—"

"Why the short notice?" Remus asked, surprised.

"The decision was only just made yesterday, and we needed to get a move on," Obey said impatiently. "It'll make more sense later. But you'll be leaving in three days, and it'll last six months."

"Excellent!" Sirius said, his eyes lighting up. "Where are we going?"

"Pretty much everywhere," Obey said, pacing again, apparently unable to keep still. "We'll discuss the details at the official meeting tomorrow. I just had to give the initial news to you myself."

"Official meeting?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, we'll be meeting with the other act you'll be traveling with, and her manager," Obey said, nodding.

"Other act?"

"Well, like I said, we'll go through all the details tomorrow, but basically this is a double tour," Obey explained. "You'll be giving mega concerts all over the world. You'll perform, then she'll perform, or vice versa; we'll probably even get you performing together by the end of it—"

"Who is it?" I interjected.

"I honestly can't remember her name," Obey said, pausing and scratching his chin. "She's just recently gained popularity, much like you guys, but more so in America than here. That's why we're putting you together; you'll attract the European crowds more, and she'll attract the U.S. crowds."

I felt my earlier irritation evaporating under the weight of this good news.

"So where's the first stop?" Peter asked.

"Paris," Obey replied excitedly.

"And then—?"

"We'll go over the schedule tomorrow," Obey cut Sirius off. "Now, you guys should get home and start packing 'cause it's gonna be a while before you see home again."

Grinning broadly, we all scurried out of the room, thumping Obey hard on the back as we went.

* * *

Oh, Jesus, not again.

_The meadow was cold and dark. Nothing like the last time when the sun had shone through the leafless branches of September, warming my frozen cheeks. My teeth chattered, and my lips felt numb. All around me the trees loomed, casting shadows on the lifeless ground. What was I waiting for?_

Wake up, you idiot.

"_James?"_

_I turned at the sound of my name, and already I felt warmer, but I didn't see anything._

Good, wake up before you do.

"_James!"_

_I could hear both the smile and the exasperation in her voice. I turned again, expecting to see a flash of red, a sparkle of green perhaps. But there was nothing. And then everything went dark, and at the same time the sun shone through the trees, warming my skin._

"_I'm right here, silly," she whispered in my ear, and I spun around. She smiled softly and caught me in a kiss before I could say anything._

You asshole.

_My chest ached with the familiar feeling of her body pressed against mine._

"_I've missed you," I murmured against her lips._

_She laughed and pulled away slightly._

"_I was only gone for a second," she said, tweaking my nose._

_I caught her hand and pulled her close again, kissing her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks and finally her mouth until she was weak in my arms, her smile replaced by parted, gasping lips. I pressed my forehead against hers, holding her tightly to me._

"_Don't ever leave me again," I whispered._

_There were tears clinging to her eyelashes, rolling down her flushed cheeks, and she met my gaze with pain in her eyes._

"_I won't," she promised._

You're a fucking idiot.

"_God damn it!"_

I punched the floor as hard as I could, and then regretted it not a second later. I rolled over so that my face wasn't pressed into the wood anymore and cradled my injured hand. I could feel the bruises forming on my knuckles, a dull pounding accompanying them.

"Shit," I muttered, staring up at the ceiling from my uncomfortable position on the floor for the second morning in a row. It didn't usually happen this frequently.

The lack of Sirius's furious footsteps was curious. I sat up and looked around at my clock. It was almost eleven, which meant I probably hadn't woken him, although he'd surely heard the noise. I sighed; I wasn't eager to face his knowing gaze.

Luckily, by the time I was finally dressed and ready—I had taken my time for exactly this purpose—we were already running a little bit late for our meeting, and so he didn't have time to do anything other than stare at me darkly as I slipped my coat on in the hallway.

"Let's get going," I said, avoiding his eyes and stepping outside into the chilly October air. He followed after a moment's pause, and we Disapparated simultaneously.

"You're late," Obey announced when we walked into the conference room that was most decidedly too large for such a small meeting.

"You are a filthy liar," Sirius replied disdainfully. "We are, in fact—" he made a show of checking his watch "—seventeen seconds early."

Obey just rolled his eyes.

"Besides, where is our singing mate?" Sirius asked with a disapproving 'tut-tut'. "She doesn't seem to have arrived yet."

"I told her to get here five minutes late so I could tie you up first," Obey said, smiling widely. Sirius chucked a pen that was lying on the table at him, but Obey caught it easily.

"Sit down," he said, throwing the pen back onto the table lazily.

"You're no fun," Sirius complained, but he plopped down into a seat next to Remus anyways. I sat down on Remus's other side, not keen on the idea of giving Sirius any time to question me. Peter arrived a few moments later after which Sirius started up a mock-heated argument with Obey for not chastising Peter for his tardiness.

I listened to the mindless chatter without really hearing it. Instead I heard the empty promise I'd dreamt up last night playing over and over again, ringing in my ears.

_I won't_.

I almost scoffed out loud. My mind came up with the most ridiculous, obvious lies and filtered them all into my head through dreams. And yet I fell for them every time. Well, I didn't so much as fall for them as I did give in to them. Which was even worse. I knew I was dreaming…every time it happened, I knew. And still I refused to wake up.

"Prongs?"

Remus's voice startled me out of my reverie, and I looked up with a jerk, my head still swimming with green eyes.

"Hm?"

"You okay?" he asked, frowning. I could feel Sirius's eyes on me again.

"Yeah," I said a little too gruffly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

Remus shrugged, and I knew he didn't believe me.

"You just looked a little…ill," he said.

"I'm fine," I said, firmly this time.

_Knock knock._

"That's them!" Obey said, widening his eyes briefly at us.

I sat up a little straighter, glad for any excuse not to talk or think about the weak fight I was putting up against my own mind. Instead, I watched as Obey practically ran to the door and flung it open. A man stood there, dressed in casual jeans and a button down shirt, a slight smile on his face.

"You must be Obey," he said, extending a hand to our manager warmly.

"Ah, Ryan, right?" Obey replied, shaking the man's hand and leading him into the room. "Where's…ah—?"

I smirked, remembering that Obey didn't remember the girl's name.

"Miss Evans will be here shortly," Ryan announced, flashing a smile at us.

I blanched involuntarily at the name. Sirius shot me a furtive look, but I didn't return the gesture. I shook my head of impossible thoughts; Evans was a common name.

"So you four must be the infamous Marauders?" Ryan grinned, taking a seat across from us.

"Infamous, eh?" Sirius tested the word on his tongue. "Hm, I like the sound of that."

"Don't get too cocky, Padfoot," I warned. Sirius grinned.

"Too late for that," he said with a wink. He turned back to Ryan. "So when does our lovely lady arrive?"

"Should be in the next few minutes," Ryan said, checking his watch. "My apologies for making you wait."

"Not necessary," Obey said, sitting down next to Peter.

"We were supposed to arrive together actually, but she wasn't quite…ready when I got to her place," Ryan said. I didn't miss his hesitation or the flicker of concern that passed across his face. He shrugged it off. "No matter. She'll be here soon—"

As if on cue, there was a light, almost hesitant, knock on the door. Ryan perked up immediately and made for the door. I leaned my chair back on two legs and stretched my arms out tiredly. Peter, Remus and Sirius were staring expectantly at the door, strangely identical smiles lining their faces.

And then the oddest thing happened. I heard the door open, and something in the air immediately changed. Remus's smile vanished in an instant; Sirius's jaw clenched so tightly he was nearly shaking; and Peter looked as though he had been slapped. Utterly perplexed, I turned my head in the direction of the door.

_Oh, fuck._

My heart stopped mid-beat. Everything around me fell away except for those startling green eyes, wide at the moment with some emotion I was too overcome to identify. The last thing I remembered was the sight of her trembling lips parting slightly as though she were about to speak. And then, with a crash, my unbalanced chair slipped backward and everything went dark.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Again, sorry about all the confusion and the switching and all the jazz. We'll see how it works out this time. Please please pleeeeease REVIEW. I love to hear your feedback, especially those of you that read the first draft. Thanks so much!**

**Lillian James**


	2. Of Arguments andMore Arguments

**Okay, so this one's kind of short, and I rewrote it like eight times because it kept sucking. So this is the best I could do. I like the beginning, but it gets kind of choppy. It was the best draft I had, though. So here it is. :) Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing except the people, places and things you _don't_ recognize from the incredible J.K. Rowling's work._

**Of Arguments and…More Arguments**

"—think he's alright?"

"He'll be fine."

"Should we postpone the meeting?" Obey sounded anxious.

"No. The sooner we get this over with, the better."

"Sirius, I—"

My fists clenched at the sound of her voice, but thankfully that was all she managed to get out before Sirius cut her off.

"Not now, Lily," he snapped, and I could hear the anger in his voice.

A hand shook my shoulder gently.

"Prongs?" That was Remus. "Prongs, you alright?"

I didn't respond. I didn't want to open my eyes, to see her face again.

"Lily, get out of here," Sirius growled. He knew I was awake, and he knew why I wasn't making any effort to get up.

"Sirius, please—"

"Now!" he nearly yelled.

"Is the antagonism really necessary?" Ryan's tone was biting.

"You think _I'm _angry?" Sirius asked heatedly. "You just wait 'til he wakes up. Get her out of here. Now."

I heard a choked sound, like a muffled sob, and my heart sped up as fury coursed through my veins. What right did she have to sound so weak, so miserable?

"C'mon, Lily," Ryan muttered.

I waited until the door was closed behind them before opening my eyes. Sirius, Remus and Peter were all crouched beside me, their faces looming over mine. Sirius looked livid, Remus resigned and Peter still wide-eyed with surprise. Sirius extended a hand and pulled me to my feet.

"You alright?" he asked tonelessly.

"Yeah," I muttered. "Yeah, just a bit of a headache."

We were all silent for a moment, and I could feel their eyes boring into me, waiting for me to say something.

"Where is she?" I asked tightly.

"Probably waiting in the hallway," Remus said quietly. "Ryan went with her."

Here, Peter glanced nervously at Remus for some reason.

"Where's Obey?" I asked.

"He left, too," Sirius said. "Muttered something about a snack."

Silence reigned again. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and avoided eye contact with all of them. I didn't want to know what they were thinking; I didn't want to know what _I _was thinking.

"Prongs?"

"Let's get this over with," I said gruffly.

Remus took a deep breath and let it out quickly before heading for the door. Peter sank back down into his seat at the table. I made to follow him, but Sirius caught my arm in a tight grip. I turned back around and met his hard gaze.

"Can you do this?" His voice was firm and direct.

I stared intently back at him for a moment.

"We'll see."

It was the only answer I could give that wasn't a blatant lie. Sirius's eyes bored into mine for another moment before he dropped my arm, turned around and sank down into his seat.

"Moony," I said, stopping him just before he turned the door handle. "Tell Ryan to wait a minute before coming in."

Remus hesitated.

"I'm not sure that's—"

"Just do it, Moony," I cut him off firmly.

He sighed and stuck his head outside the door. I paced back and forth behind the table, rubbing the back of my head where a small bump had formed. There was the muffled sound of argument for a few seconds, and then he pulled himself back inside and opened the door wider. I felt rather than saw her hesitant entrance, and I slowly forced myself to a stop. Everything was so still for a moment it was almost as though the entire room had turned to stone. Then she took a timid step forward.

"James?"

I closed my eyes tightly.

"Please, don't say my name."

She was silent for a full minute before she ventured to speak again.

"Are—are you okay?"

I couldn't help it; laugher burst out of me, a strange side effect of sheer disbelief. I opened my eyes and turned to face her, a sardonic smile still plastered on my face. She looked teary and utterly bewildered, eyes wide and chin trembling. But there was no ounce of sympathy left in my body, not for her.

"You've got to be kidding me," I said mockingly.

"I—I just meant—"

"I know what you meant," I said, my smile disappearing as quickly as it had come. "And I really don't give a shit. You've got no right to pretend to be worried about me."

"James, I'm not—"

"I told you not to say my name," I growled, and she bit her lip. "In fact, it's better if you just don't say anything at all." I paused and glowered to emphasize my point; she didn't say anything so I continued. "The only reason I asked Ryan to wait outside was so I wouldn't have to deal with him trying to make me be nice to you. Because we both know you don't deserve that."

She looked down, away from my ice-cold glare.

"I just want you to know," I continued tightly, "that merely being in the same room with you is enough to make me want to jump out the window. And, since it's very unlikely that this tour is going to be postponed or canceled, I don't want to deal with you any more than I have to. So don't talk to me. Don't pretend like we're friends or acquaintances of any kind. Don't even _look_ at me. Don't act like this hurts you, and, if you can, try not to cry in front of me because it really just makes me want to hurt you."

Lily blanched.

"Prongs…" Remus muttered, but I ignored him.

"No, Remus, I—it's fine," Lily said weakly, swallowing hard. "I didn't…expect anything more—"

"You don't _deserve_ anything more," Sirius muttered quietly, but it carried nonetheless. Lily's wounded eyes shot to him and filled up with tears once more, but she didn't look surprised. Sirius met her gaze coldly and without remorse.

"Moony, would you be so kind as to invite Ryan and Obey back inside?" he said as he stared her down. Remus grimaced and disappeared through the door.

Ryan reentered a few seconds later, and immediately went to Lily's side, his arm sliding around her waist. He glared briefly at Sirius who scowled back.

"I'm fine," Lily muttered to him before he could ask, tearing her watery eyes away from my irate best friend.

"You sure?" he asked quietly, his eyes flickering to my face and back to hers.

"Yes," she whispered without any conviction.

Ryan's arm tightened around her protectively, and Peter shot me a nervous glance, but I ignored him and sat back down, drumming my fingers impatiently against the table until Remus returned, towing Obey. Our manager's eyes were uneasy when they landed on me, but he didn't comment. Perhaps my expression was still inadvertently menacing. I tried to relax my face, but when Lily ended up in the seat directly across from mine I gave up and resigned myself to the fact that my expression would probably get stuck this way.

"Okay," Obey started nervously, glancing between us all. "Okay, well, I guess we should—"

"Get on with it?" I suggested tightly.

"Yes, yes," Obey agreed. "Yeah, um, what do you think we should start with, Ryan?"

"Perhaps we should start with discussing what the hell just happened," Ryan said crossly. I could feel his glare resting on me so I looked up and met it blankly.

"Ryan, don't," Lily pleaded, squeezing his arm.

"Lily, they're treating you like—"

"It's fine, Ryan," Lily cut him off in a distressed whisper. "It doesn't matter; just—just ignore it."

"Lily, I can't just—"

"Can we _please _get this show on the road?" I cut in irritably.

Lily glanced at me tensely and then stared down at the table. Ryan continued to glower at me, but he dropped the argument. At least for the moment.

"Alright, Obey, you said this thing lasts for six months, right?" Sirius asked tightly.

"Yes," Obey replied, still looking uncertainly between Lily and me. "Six months, that's right."

"That seems like a long time," Remus said, frowning. "I mean, how many places are we going?"

"Well, you will be playing in over fifty cities across Europe and the continental United States," Obey said. **(A/N: **_**I have no idea how long tours like this actually last or how many cities they play in and whatnot so if that seems like a hell of a lot, then I'm sorry, but I don't feel like looking it up. :p)**_ "But that's not why it's going to take so long," he added.

"Then—?"

"Well, we won't be traveling in the, er…usual way," he cut Remus off.

"Oh?"

"Well," Obey said, sounding slightly anxious now. "As you know, a great number of your fans are Muggles. So, for appearances sake, this will be a, um, _true_ road trip across the continent."

"What does that mean?" I asked, my eyes narrowing. I think I knew what he was getting at, but I hoped I was wrong.

"You'll be on a tour bus," Ryan said bluntly; his tone suggested that he thought I was an idiot.

"A tour bus?" Peter asked, clearly still confused.

"Yeah, you know, big rectangular thing with wheels on it?" Ryan said coldly.

"Hey!" Sirius barked loudly. "We haven't done shit to you so you'd better stop being such a whiny bastard!"

"Padfoot!" Remus snapped, but Sirius ignored him.

"Me?!" Ryan said angrily, sitting up straighter in his seat. Lily put a restraining hand on his shoulder, her expression frantic. "_Me?!_ You're the ones treating Lily like she's committed some heinous crime against you!"

The same sarcastic laughter from before crept back up and burst out of me. He was so close to the truth, and he didn't even know it. Lily winced, but no one else seemed to notice my reaction.

"You're right, we're treating _her_ that way!" Sirius nearly shouted. "Not you! So get your fucking nose out of it! It's none of your business!"

"Sirius, please—" Lily started, but her voice wavered and broke off when she met his livid gaze.

"It's every bit my business!" Ryan yelled back. "I'm her manager!"

"Ha!" Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes. "We're not blind, you know. It's pretty obvious that _that's_ not the reason you're all up in arms. Tel me, is fraternizing with the talent frowned upon where you—?"

Ryan stood up so quickly his chair was knocked over. Lily, panic written on her face, jumped to her feet, her hands on his shoulders. I couldn't hear what she was saying to him, but it seemed to calm him down enough to stop him from jumping across the table and strangling Sirius. His eyes retained their narrowed state, but he righted his chair and sank back down into it. Lily sat back down, too, her hands shaking. She didn't look at me.

"Seems I touched a nerve," Sirius muttered so that only I could hear.

I didn't respond. I didn't know _how_ to respond because I didn't know how I felt.

"Um, anyways," Obey continued apprehensively. "Where were we?"

"Tour bus," Remus said, still staring hard at Sirius who was easily ignoring him.

"Right," Obey said, forcing a smile. "Right, the tour bus. Well, like I said, that's just for appearance's sake, but it will make things go a little slower. Oh, and don't worry about being cramped, the inside of the bus will be quite roomy."

"Fine, so we're traveling around on some bus," I said blankly. "Where are we going?"

"Um, well the short answer is everywhere," Obey said with a little grin that no one returned. "Okay, then. We're going to different cities in France, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Scotland, and Ireland. And then we'll be heading off to America. We'll have a homecoming concert in London when we get back."

"Wonderful," I said blankly. "Is that all?"

"Well, yes, I—I suppose so," Obey said uncertainly. "We'll be meeting back here when it's time to leave."

"Good." I pushed my chair away from the table, stood up and made my way briskly for the door. I was in the hallway before anyone else had moved. I paused there for a moment and leaned against the wall to gather my thoughts.

_Can you do this?_

Sirius's earlier question resurfaced, and I still didn't have an answer. _Could_ I handle this?

"James?"

Her tentative voice knocked me out of this reverie. I looked up and saw that she'd come out alone as well. I felt my expression harden again without being told to do so.

"I'm leaving," I said, and I turned to walk away.

"James, please wait," she said, but I didn't have any fight left in me so I ignored the plea in her voice and continued on down the long corridor. Thankfully, she took the hint and stopped trying to catch me.

If only the next six months could be so easy.

**Okay yeah, the end sucks, but I got tired. So yeah. I think the next chapter will be easier, although I'm not positive what's going to happen in it yet. We'll see. :) Anyways, please review!**

**Thanks!**

**Lillian James**


	3. Of Avoidance and Eavesdropping

**Okay, so I'm well aware that I totally suck. I'm going to try and do better with the updates. I've just had a lot going on recently. Anyways this one's a little longer than the last chapter, but still not that long. I think it's okay, though. Let me know. :D**

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing except the people, places and things you _don't_ recognize from the incredible J.K. Rowling's work._

**EDIT:** Blue-Eyed Chica **I totally think what you said would have been so much better, so I'm changing it. Good idea :D**

**Of Avoidance and Eavesdropping**

"Prongs—"

"No."

"Can't we just—?"

"No!"

"We're gonna talk about it at some—"

"I said no, Padfoot!" I snapped. "Now shut up and throw me that shirt by your foot."

Sirius rolled his eyes and swooped down to retrieve the crumpled up shirt at his feet. He balled it up and chucked it at my head with more force than was necessary, but it simply came apart in midair and fluttered down into my waiting hands.

"Nice throw," I said dryly as I stuffed the shirt into my already over-packed bag.

"Do you really need this much shit?" Sirius asked, examining my nearly empty room.

"Well, who knows how long I'll be locked in my room on the bus all by myself. It might help to have some entertainment."

Sirius looked perplexed.

"Why the hell would you be locked in your room? We don't hate you _that _much."

I ignored his jab at humor and instead went into the bathroom to retrieve my toothbrush. Sirius was still waiting expectantly for my answer when I returned.

"Just forget it," I muttered.

There was silence for a moment, and I hoped he would just drop it. Of course, I knew better than to think he would.

"Ooh, I get it," he said finally, and I let out a frustrated sigh. "I see, I see. You're planning on shutting yourself away so you don't have to deal with Li—with her."

I wasn't surprised that he was pointedly avoiding the use of her name. I supposed he remembered how I had detested the word in those years after we'd left school. After a while, however, we'd had no reason to speak it so we were finally able to stop skirting around it.

"Prongs, don't be an idiot," Sirius continued when I didn't respond. "You can't just avoid—"

"Drop it, Padfoot!"

"No!" he snapped back. "You're being a twit. Now, I don't really wanna be around the girl any more than you do, but let's face the facts here."

"I'm not facing anything," I muttered irritably.

"Well, fuck that, I'm not gonna let you be a recluse for the next six months. Besides, if anyone's gonna be running away from this, I'm sure it's gonna be her."

"I'm not running away from anything!"

"Well, then what do you call barricading yourself in your room?" he shot back.

I scowled at him and continued shoving things into my bag without answering.

"Unless you're planning a six month long game of hide-and-seek (which I would completely support, by the way), then I'd call it running away from an ugly dilemma," he said matter-of-factly.

Sirius was probably the only person who could tell me exactly what he thought without having to worry about getting kicked in the groin. I sighed again and rubbed my temples.

"Can we talk about this later?"

"Nope."

"Well, too bad," I said, zipping my bag shut with difficulty and throwing it by the door. "Because I'm finished for the night. Now get out so I can sleep."

He stood his ground for another moment, but I stared coldly at him until he let out a long irritated breath.

"Fine," he said coolly. "But you can forget about breakfast in the morning. I'm only making enough for myself."

I rolled my eyes.

"Goody. Get out."

Sirius pursed his lips and stalked out of the room. I pushed the door shut behind him and then fell back onto my bed, praying for a dreamless sleep even though I knew it was impossible.

And I was right.

* * *

"_Jaaaaames!" Lily whined, her lips turned downwards in a frown._

_I grinned and tossed the rubber ball I had snatched away from her back and forth between my hands while she pouted._

But…this isn't a dream…

"_James, give it back!" she demanded, and she held her hand out, palm up as though she expected me to just heed her order._

"_Nope, you're gonna have to win it back," I said, bouncing it once. She grabbed for it, but I was faster._

This is…a memory.

"_It's miiiine, give it back!" she complained._

"_I told you, you have to win it back," I repeated._

_Lily stomped angrily._

"_How am I supposed to do that?"_

_I thought about this for a moment, still idly playing with the ball, taunting her. Her eyes, though narrowed, were fixed on its every movement, and her lips were still curled in a pouty frown. She always looked so funny when she was mad._

_And then it hit me._

"_I know!" I said, and she looked up at me. I smirked at her, and she looked wary. "You have to kiss me if you want the ball back."_

_Her eyes, previously slits, widened until they were round as the ball itself and her mouth popped open in shock. It was a moment before she could respond._

"_But—but we can't!" she whispered, looking furtively around as though she were afraid someone was listening._

"_Why not?"_

"_James, don't be silly!" she said, still in a hushed voice. "Eight-year-olds aren't allowed to…kiss."_

_She said the last word even more quietly, looking around again, but I knew our parents were still having tea in the sitting room upstairs._

"_Aww, Lils!" I said. "Why can't eight-year-olds kiss?"_

_She let out an exaggerated sigh and raised her eyes to the ceiling._

"_Jaaaames, only adults are allowed to kiss!"_

"_Who says?"_

"_Well, have you ever kissed anyone?"_

"_No."_

"_Well, neither have I. That's because we're not _supposed_ to," she explained._

"_Well, that's stupid," I retorted. "Now, come on, kiss me before you have to leave."_

"_Noooo!" she said, shaking her head hard. Her cheeks seemed redder than usual. I wondered why that was._

"_You're not getting your ball back until you do it," I challenged, but she pressed her lips tightly together and shook her head again. "Pleeeeease?" I tried, but she just continued shaking her head._

"_Ugh, fine," I said, giving up finally. "Guess you're not getting your ball back, though."_

"_James!" she said angrily. "You are so mean! Give it back!"_

"_Nope, you'll never see it again," I teased, but as I said this something strange happened. I dropped the ball from my right hand, intending to catch it in my left when suddenly it just disappeared, right in midair. One second it was there, and the next it was gone._

_Lily's eyes widened again, even more so than the last time. She was staring at the place where the ball had seemingly evaporated. And for a moment, I was just as bemused as she was. And then it clicked into place, and I quickly tried to think of something, anything I could tell her._

_But then Lily's eyes slid down to her own hands, and I followed her gaze. My own eyes seemed to pop out of my skull when I registered what I was seeing. The ball was sitting there, cupped between her hands as though it had been there all along. We both looked back up at each other, and I saw the same shock in her face that I felt circulating throughout my body._

"_Lily…" I spoke cautiously. "Lily, how did you…?"_

"_I…I don't know!" she said, shaking her head hard. Her voice was half-frightened, half-excited._

"_But how could _you_ have…done that?"_

_She didn't respond, just shook her head again. We were both silent for a long time after that, but my head was buzzing with questions. Had I made the ball appear in her hands? Or…had it really been Lily? And if so, what did that mean? Was it possible that Lily was actually a…witch? _

_I was still trying to put the pieces together when the door to my room opened and Lily's parents came in to collect her. She was still holding the ball tightly in one hand as she left with her mother; she shot one last bewildered look back at me and waved goodbye. I waved back, and then she was gone._

* * *

I was surprised to find my head still resting on a pillow when I woke up. Perhaps dreaming about actual occurrences wasn't as trying on my mind as dreaming up stupid fantasies or maybe dreaming about childhood was just calming in a way. Either way, I was grateful for the feeling of my bed underneath me.

I rolled reluctantly out of the covers and wandered downstairs. I wasn't surprised to hear Remus's voice floating up the stairs from the kitchen. He and Peter frequently dropped by to steal some of Sirius's breakfast. I was just outside the door, however, when a snippet of their conversation reached my ears, and I stopped in my tracks.

"—don't think he's gonna have to worry about staying out of sight in any case," Remus was saying. He sounded weary, as though he'd been up all night.

"She's that upset, huh?" Sirius asked. His blank tone didn't match the seemingly sympathetic words.

"You have no idea," Remus said darkly.

"Yeah, and I'd rather keep it that way," Sirius replied cuttingly. "She better not try any of this weepy bullshit around me."

"Padfoot," Remus said, but his reprove was halfhearted.

"What? You want me to be _nice_ to her or something?"

"Could you at least try and not bite her head off every time you see her?"

"Hey, if she stays out of my way, I've got no reason to bite her head off," Sirius said, and I could hear the shrug in his voice.

"Is there any point arguing?" Remus muttered.

There was silence after this, and I could feel the tension creeping into the air between my friends. After a long moment, there was the sound of a glass being set down and the creaking of a chair as someone shifted.

"Remus," Sirius said. I hardly even noticed the taut quality to his voice; the fact that he had called Remus by his given name was enough to alert me to my best friend's displeasure. "Remus, take a second for me, and think back three years." He paused pointedly, making it clear that he expected Remus to obey this request.

"Now," he continued. "I don't think you could have forgotten what kind of state James was in at that time, could you?"

There was a small, resigned sigh.

"No, Sirius," Remus said tiredly. "No, I haven't forgotten."

"Good," Sirius said firmly. "So then you should know better than to ask me to care at all about what _she's_ going through."

I felt a rush of gratitude sweep through me at the glaring conviction in Sirius's voice. I hadn't expected anything less from him, but it was heartening to hear anyways.

"I know," Remus said quietly. "I know, Sirius. I just don't think you should be hostile towards her every moment of the day."

I hadn't expected anything less from Remus either. He was more forgiving than either Sirius or I was. I didn't begrudge him for feeling a bit of sympathy for her, but I didn't exactly know how I felt about it. And from what I'd heard so far, I gathered that he'd been to see her at some point during the last couple of days. I didn't like the idea of that, but I also knew that, no matter what she said or did, in the end he would still be on my side.

"Is ignoring her considered hostile?" Sirius grumbled.

Remus sighed again.

"Just don't scream at her every time she walks into the room, okay? That's all I'm asking."

"I'm not promising anything," Sirius mumbled.

"All right," Remus said. "I guess that's the best I can do."

There was the sound of a chair scraping across the floor and someone getting to their feet. I debated with myself for a moment; should I let them find me here or run back upstairs before they come out? I chose the latter. As much as I didn't like the thought of Remus being friendly towards her, I didn't want him to feel guilty about it around me. It was his choice, and I wasn't arrogant enough to think I had any say in the matter. So I turned back and leaped up the steps two at a time, turning my friends' conversation over and over in my head. I would ask Sirius about it later. He was bound to have more to say on the subject, and so I was sure he would be quite relieved that I'd been listening.

For the moment, however, I went back to my room and sprawled out on my bed again. There was one more meeting with Obey later that night, but thankfully _she _would not be joining us and neither would her…manager. We had decided it was best she go over the details with Ryan and we could go over the details with Obey.

I stared up at my ceiling, trying not to think about (or care about) what else happened between her and Ryan at their cozy little private meetings. It didn't matter. I didn't care. She didn't mean anything anymore. I was over it.

I think.

**Okay, again, sorry about the delay. I hope I'll be able to get the next chapter up sooner. I apologize. ******** Please review. Even if you hated it. I just like t know. The end was a bit choppy, I know. I always get rushed at the end for some reason.**

**~Lillian James~**


End file.
